Jeffrey Miller

A Writer's Life

Bah! Humbug!


Everyone knows one of the Christmas’ most famous quotable quotes, “Bah, Humbug,” but how about other memorable (but not always quotable quotes) from other films and TV specials?

These classic Christmas quotes will get you in the holiday spirit or better yet, get you in the mood for some classic holiday movies.


A Charlie Brown Christmas

Charlie Brown: “Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?”

A Christmas Carol

Scrooge: Bah! Humbug!

A Christmas Story

Ralphie: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Mrs. Parker: No, you’ll shoot your eye out.

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] “Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.”

Christmas Vacation:

Clark Griswold: “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”

Clark: “We’re kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”

Home Alone

Kevin McCallister: “This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys, nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?”

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Narrator: “And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

It’s a Wonderful Life

George Bailey: “Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!”

Clarence: “Remember, George no man is a failure who has friends.”

Zuzu Bailey: “Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”

Clarence: “Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”

Nick: “Hey look, mister, we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don’t need any characters around to give the joint “atmosphere”. Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?”

Miracle on 34th Street

Fred Gailey: “Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don’t you see? It’s not just Kris that’s on trial, it’s everything he stands for. It’s kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles.”

Alfred, the janitor at Macy’s: “Yeah, there’s a lot of bad ‘isms’ floatin’ around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it’s the same–don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.”

The Simpsons

Bart Simpson: “Ah, come on, dad, this could be the miracle that saves The Simpson’s Christmas! If TV has taught me anything, its that miracles always happens to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to The Smurfs, and it’s gonna happen to us!”

Bart Simpson: “I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?”


  1. one of my favorite Christmas songs (not quotes) is Oscar the Grouch singing on how he hates Christmas. I feel the same way sometimes 🙂

    Here’s the link:

  2. My all time favorites is a Charlie Brown Christmas, I guess time never change and something that’s written years back is still relevant today.

    I got my copy of War Remains yesterday, looking forward to reading it.

  3. I never get tired of watching “A Christmas Story” years after years. As a kid, my brother and I would bundled up in front of tv watching “A Christmas Story”. 20+ years later we still talk about those good old days growing up in a tiny apartment. Life was very simple then…

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